Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
