i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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