hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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