I will die if light touches me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
