We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
