If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
