I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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