PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
