I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i think i just lost a toe
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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