I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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