just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
