i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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