Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
