love makes seman taste better
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
