So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My life is pants optional.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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