Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
