brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize