All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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