i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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