ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
