Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
