I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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