Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
