You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
