Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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