It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
