this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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