i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
wow bdsm is so cute
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
