the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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