Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
