is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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