Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
