Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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