my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
