Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
