Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
