Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
