They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
