I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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