Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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