I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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