we're blogging at a bar
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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