I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Randomize
