Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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