I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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