I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
