Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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