if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
