Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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