i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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