i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
