Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
