ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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