Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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