If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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