I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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