dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
