Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
