i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
