he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Actions speak louder than pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
