butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
