Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
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I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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