Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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