ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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