Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
