shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
