I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
