I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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