franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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