$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it hurts more in the daytime
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
