Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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