i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
