he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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