All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this will be a night to untag.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
