Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize