I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
