just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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