Welp...herpes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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