I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize