also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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