You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
