Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
how drunk are you?
Several
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
