Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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