i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
