i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
